Acceptance

Ashly Doug

Accepting an upsetting situation means not being caught up in distractions that prevents you from accurately perceiving the reality of the situation and then taking constructive action. For example, if your significant other leaves you or hurts you in some other way, you do not get caught up in anger or resentment or jealousy. Caught up in these emotions means …

Doug and Roy Meet

Ashly Doug, Roy "Saint Badass"

2013 The fence was movie-perfect – at least 12 feet high and wrapped in two layers of curling razor wire and rigged with electrical current up along each of the heavy metal fence posts.  Linda and I had flown to Arkansas to meet Roy. Prison rules prevented us from seeing anyone else. As our rental car neared the box-like security …

Cody’s Lies

Ashly Cody "youngster", Doug

Cody has been lying to me from the beginning of 2017 until September of 2017. His lies were used to obtain money for drugs: He is not in a wheelchair; the money to buy a wheelchair was used to buy drugs. His sister did not die, she just does not talk to him. Money to attend her funeral was used …

An us-help book for replacing anger with kindness

Ashly Doug

How Love Wins focuses on ‘us’ rather than ‘me’ because both anger and kindness involve a recipient, making it ‘us harm” for anger and ”us help” for kindness.  Another aspect of us-help is that it is very difficult to maintain your kindful practices all by yourself. You are more likely to ‘stick with’ your kindful practices if you can periodically …

How do love and anger go together?

Ashly Doug

Love is a feeling. Our culture is enamored with the feeling of love and talking about love.  Everyone wants to receive love and give love. Sometimes in our personal lives, and often in the larger world, we encounter countless examples of statements of love accompanied by actions of anger. How Love Wins is possible when we replace anger with kindness. …

Maybe we have too many good ideas about how to deal with our anger

Ashly Doug

When I am on the Internet reading the research about dealing with anger, I am overwhelmed by all the worthwhile practices that have a solid evidence base. When I notice that I have collected another four or five excellent suggestions, I stop and reflect, “Wait a minute. I already have too many practices I’m trying to remember to deal with …

Learning from our anger

Ashly Doug

Listening to the newly-finished audio book for How Love Wins, I am struck by the difficulty of applying all that I have included in the book, for example dealing with anger. I realize I will need to listen to sections again several times, each time re-activating several ‘overlooked’ practices. In the section on the kindful cycle for hard times in …

Dealing with an angry world—don’t eat the rat poison

Ashly Doug

Are you often angry about what you see in the news? I try to limit how much ‘bad news’ I take in. In 1826 a doctor wrote: “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.” I have a similar saying: Tell me what you hear and I will tell you how you feel. If you take …

Dealing with your anger toward others around us

Ashly Doug

I spent quite a bit of time looking into reservations for a trip with my wife and two daughters. When I talked with my wife to confirm the dates over the phone, she told me she had changed her plans—which undid all my reservations. I was angry with her. How Love Wins suggests taking three mindful breaths when we are …

Dealing with your anger directed toward yourself

Ashly Doug

I have a habit of swearing at myself when I make a mistake, for example I overlooked the car to my right at a four way stop and did not wait my turn. I silently cursed myself. I make many mistakes every day and curse myself for several of them. The news is full of our anger and we feel …

The fourth instinct for the fourth of July

Ashly Doug

Arianna Huffington, in her book The Fourth Instinct defines the fourth instinct as “a clear disposition toward goodness, compassion and human fellowship.” The scientist Robert Winston in this book Human Instinct refers to the fourth instinct as co-operation and altruism. I call the fourth instinct simply kindness, which has remarkable potential for individuals and our society. Recent research found that …

Civility Pledge follows Republican Shootings. The role of kindness.

Ashly Doug

After the shootings at the Republican baseball practice, Republican Rep. Mike Johnson of Louisiana initiated a Commitment to Civility signed by 47 members of the freshman class in the House of Representatives. The pledge said the members recognized the growing division in politics that was fueled by vitriol in public discourse. “One result has been a loss of trust in …