First, I would like to say in prison, there is 2-ways to be kind. 1-Convict way. 2-Human way. Allow me to explain please.
Convict way. Say someone ask you to pass a kite to your neighbor and then offers you payment for doing so. Now if you have something, soups or coffee. The convict thing to do would turn it down. If you did not have nothing yourself, then you’d accept it. Understand so far?
Act #2 – Hearing a friend on the tier say his Mom was going to have surgery, I told him when he came downstairs to get a haircut that I was going to keep her in my prayers. The look in his eyes and on his face. Surprise & Shock, Doug!
1- Positive Emotions – Being Bi-Polar and in prison, it’s hard sometimes to have up-beat feelings. I do though. I wake up every day. Do my meditation sittings. Tell myself, today is going to be a good day and I’ll help at least one person this day. I do that and it leads to better living.
2- Engagement – I’m trying to absorb myself into the studies of Buddhism. I’d like to say feet first, head last, but that is not the case. It’s more like left hand, right knee. Back of my head and to top it off, there is no water in the pool!! J But I am sticking to it and that’s what counts.
5- Achievement – My one true achievement in life is my helping my son stay on the right path. Little as my part was, I believe it was enough to keep him out of my shadow and footsteps. He has a family, in the Airforce and that matters to me so much.
Breaking unkind habits
Gambling is one unkind habit I have to myself. I thought I had it done with in my life, like all and I mean all addictions. Once you stop practicing mindfulness of your problem, you will slip right back into old habits/ways. To this day, I make it a point to not include myself in betting. I know it’s a small thing, but I have got to the point where I didn’t even have a stamp to write my son. I will not, through practice & thoughtfulness, allow that to happen again.
But I do have some empathy for others. But over the years I have spent in prison, I’m running low on it. I will always show compassion and kindness to others who are in need. But it is very rare for me to go out of my way. So many people running games. E.G.: I’ve been asked by multi people “Why don’t you write and ask Doug to send you some money or a package?”
I felt good at the moment of my addiction running my life. But then = AFTER = Oh man, I hated myself. Not stopping it when I saw it.
Being one of the abused kids, I understand now that was how my step father was raised. So he in turn did as he was taught. I ask myself – If I stayed free and helped raise my son, would I have done the same?
I am stuck in AD/Seg and by this I am always complaining about the warden being an asshole or they – Police – don’t want me out in gen Pop. By me verbalize so loud and sometimes too much, I’m causing unkindness to my fellow convicts. They got their own problems. I should be asking about their problems. I am doing so more frequently now.