Mindful Friendship Traits
We Foster Consistency
Time with a trusted friend is like a sacred place of reprieve from the world’s demands. Cultivating that connection requires a simple agreed upon routine; carpooling, having lunch on last Wednesdays of the month, or being surfing buddies every other week. Routines should be flexible around times when life requires extra from us, but returning to or adapting routines is what proves your commitment.
We Re-Charge Each Other
The primary function of free form sharing is to allow the organic identification of feelings to surface. Naming things that are negative helps release the emotional intensity of it, naming the positive things allows us to celebrate together and amplify the feelings of success. These micro-moments are powerful contributions to our well being when expressed in a safe place with a mindfully kind ear.
We Mastermind Life Together
Friends can brainstorm with you and serve as a sounding board for new paths of living. We essentially are a secondary resource of learning and when we discover anything that would help one of us, we make sure it’s shared. The networking effect of how we share opportunities or special insights for each other’s benefit is powerful.
We Create Fun Memories
‘Remember the time you drove me to the hospital like the Transporter and talked your way out of a ticket..?’ Friends make life’s rough circumstances entertaining, a little more bearable and can humorize anything if we let them. Allowing them the chance to take care of us or be a part of our lives during wild circumstances, creates more fun history and depth in the relationship.
Lending our full attention without judgement or interruption may be one of the most profound immaterial gifts we can give. Asking what kind of response would be preferred is more respectful than immediately responding with your own assumptions. Assumptions can often be incomplete and make your friend feel like you were not listening. Asking deeper questions and about the truth behind the surface answer is not only revealing, but validating that you care enough to ask.
Close friends will share personal stories. The thing no one will ever explicitly teach you: Your awareness is not equal to your right to share an experience that isn’t yours. It’s tempting to share stories that don’t belong to you within a group of friends that you imagine might already know the story, or have permission to hear it. This is a mistake. Only the person to whom the story belongs has the right to the telling. Being mindful of your friend’s sharing means keeping that story secure in the shared vault that makes your connection sacred.
Reliability is principles in action. Being mindfully reliable just means you’ve taken the time to find out what kind of reliability your friends want and honoring that. If you are struggling to be reliable, perhaps you are operating at a mental or energetic health loss you are unaware of (such as adrenal exhaustion.) This affects short term memory, energy levels, mental clarity and decision making, and makes it impossible to keep your word. Temporary illness isn’t going to be held against anyone, get well soon.
Be Mindfully Kind Friendship Material
Because energy and time are finite, it’s important to choose wisely how you will show up in the world E.G. not merely ‘choosing’ which friends offer the most emotional stability. In truth, you can only attract some people by becoming like them. They often are good at knowing the difference between those who perpetuate chaos, and those who calm it. Always choose to strengthen your kind habit of calmness. There are endless positive emotional dividends for this work.
Claiming mindful sovereignty means you are in a process of transmuting the fall out of codependency (being a child, being a chronic over-giver) into sustainable skills of creating new ways of living. We build upon the poor habits of previous generations, and learn indirectly from other’s mistakes as much as our own. We are capable of transmuting the bad into good. Personal mindful sovereignty means accepting your power to do this. This allows one to create their dream work, and their dream relationships, from a space of claiming how they wish to be in the world.
Mindful integrity is a superpower. A personal commitment to doing the right thing means you are capable of developing reliability, accountability, non-judgemental thinking, protecting confidences and being generous with assumptions. It means you are capable of being trustworthy. With enough mindful integrity, we can build a more functional world together. Mindful integrity means you’re willing to remain receptive, keep your word, and give your best effort. High integrity people usually know how energy wasteful it is to personalize other’s actions. They save their energy for supporting positive outcomes that serve all parties.
Welcoming, setting, and honoring boundaries is a unifying form of communication about limitations. Others can’t always see or know about these without helpful communication. A warning about past abuse for example, lets you know that a minefield of emotional triggers may exist; it’s easier to understand boundaries, than to cross them. If you are worthy of hearing about the trigger or boundary, it means you are considered an ally of support. Its an honor anytime someone trusts you enough to share their vulnerable truths.
Need to Be a Better Friend?
Read Our Books
These principles will permeate your consciousness and help you feel different nearly immediately. With a minor amount of practice, the results will build momentum over time as you improve your habits. If you are highly adaptive a once over reading will be enough. If you do better with an interactive approach with a variety of scenarios and questions, we recommend our eCourse. It’s based on the book and takes you through a minor history of human development, as well as the latest research discoveries of the habits that make the most positive impact for us. Either way, the review of trustworthy information represents a solid mental upgrade for your future. More joy, success, and quality relationships all based on currently available research.
A Researched Approach to the Importance of Mindful Kindness
How Negative Mind Wandering Makes Us Crazy
Weakening Unkind Habits While Strengthening Kind Ones For Self & Others
Worldwide Mindfulness & Kindness Research
How Blending Mindful Kindness Gives You A Serious Edge
All The Above Combined = Mentality Upgrade You Can't Unsee
A Story About Mindful Friendship
This story details the serendipity of how a prisoner and an author become friends over their shared bond of practicing meditation, mindfulness and kindness. This leads to a positive ripple effect throughout a maximum security prison.
A Story About How Mindful Kindness Affects Us
How Love Wins
This is follow up book to Saint Badass and focuses in on the available research for how mindfulness and kindness change us and what the potential is for how we relate to one another. This book details the power of fusing these qualities into all our habits.