June 8, 2017
I have to practice mindfulness everyday! I’ve always been a fighter, tough on myself so when I I’ve discovered something. I have to decide who I want to be! See theres an image a reputation, I’ve upheld for so long that honestly I’d come to love everyone knows Twisted, wanted to be like him yet don’t know the struggle. Fuck the power, the respect from others, they may respect me but its only out of fear what good is that? I can’t even enjoy the simple pleasures these people allow like walking down the hall or playing scrabble, or volleyball. See: This system reinforces negative behavior, if a prisoner sits in his cell and asks for lets say a shower all day and is polite he will never get it! Yet if the same guy screams hollers and floods his cell or something else crazy they’ll attend to his needs. Now I’ve gotten so caught up in that since being locked in a cell its become hard to break. My biggest thing is I use violence to get things done. Well not anymore I’m not that man anymore I decided the other day I have to give up that guy that life, will it always follow me yes: Do I have to continue to act on it NO!
Like you said in your first letter to me youd never written someone who was still committing violent acts. So you knew I had a set of challenges ahead of me: I’ve set up a punching bag that I beat the hell out of a couple times a week now! I’m getting good results from meditating twice daily.
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